You Still Have All Of Me
by iwasnthere622
Summary: It's been months, but the pain isn't any duller; this isn't any easier. Why? Why did you leave me? SongFic. Axel POV. Warning: Contains Character Death.


Song lyrics: My Immortal by Evanescence  
I don't own KH / FF - I just borrow the characters.

* * *

**BEEP.** "Hey, Ax. It's Demyx. Where are you, man? Zex and I missed you at our show. Again. Reno says you're ignoring him, too. Don't do this, Axel. I thought it was getting better. Please, just call me. Hell, just call one of us. You shouldn't be alone like this. Snap out of it, man! Do you really think Rox-"

I muted the message, my hand shaking slightly.

_No, Axel. Don't go there._ I warned myself.

I stared blankly at the answering machine for a minute before shaking myself and the memories away and forcing myself to turn away. I walked into the bedroom and looked around. There were piles of clothes everywhere – I couldn't really tell if they were dirty or clean – and magazines lay spread out next to the bed. The room was a general mess and I sighed.

_Looks like its cleaning day._ I thought.

I started gathering up the clothes. Might as well just wash them all, right? Underneath one pile was a radio I had forgotten I had. I picked it up and placed it on the dresser, turning it on to some random rock station. Focusing on the music, I danced around the room, cleaning to the pounding of the bass and the screeching lyrics. No longer frowning but not smiling – I haven't smiled in months – I made my way to the laundry room with my arms full of clothes.

After starting the load, I nodded once to myself and made my way back to the bedroom. I crossed to the magazine pile and bent to straighten it up.

_I have to make sure the room is clean, Roxas hates coming home to a mess – _

I jerked, my train of thought halting and the magazines falling from my grasp. I closed my eyes and sat down heavily onto the bed. I took a deep breath and forced myself to concentrate on the song that was playing.

**I'm so tired of being here,**  
** Suppressed by all my childish fears.**  
** And if you have to leave,**  
** I wish that you would just leave.**

My eyes snapped open, watering slightly. This song…

**Your presence still lingers here,**  
** And it won't leave me alone.**  
** These wounds won't seem to heal,**  
** This pain is just too real.**  
** There's just too much that time cannot erase.**

I couldn't stop my eyes from glancing at the bottom two drawers of the dresser. The empty ones. His.

Choking on a sob, I reached behind me to his side of the bed, grabbing his pillow and pulling it close, clutching it to my chest and burying my face into it. It was faint, but his scent was still there – something sweet and strong and his.

_Roxas._

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**  
** When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.**  
** And I held your hand through all of these years.**  
** But you still have all of me.**

Memories flooded me, pouring through my brain as fast as the tears streaking down my face.

* * *

"Shh, Rox. Don't cry. It'll be okay." I whispered, clutching the smaller man to me tightly. We were in the doctor's office, and had just gotten the results. Roxas was curled into my lap, crying into my chest as I rubbed his back and ran my fingers through his perfect blonde hair.

"B-B-But, Axel…!" Roxas started, looking up at me with tears swimming in his blue eyes.

"Roxas. It'll be okay. He said there are still some options left. Don't worry. I love you." I said, gently wiping the tears off his cheeks.

"Axel. I love you too. I love you!" He said, once again burying his face into my chest and sobbing.

"Roxas, I promise you I will never leave you. I will always be here for you. Always." I murmured, trying as best as I could to comfort him while fiercely resisting the urge to breakdown and cry, too.

* * *

"AXEL!" Roxas yelled.

Jarred from sleep, I pulled the struggling blond into my arms.

"Roxas, wake up, it's just a dream. I'm here. I love you." I said, holding him tighter to me, running my fingers through his thinning hair. I blinked rapidly to dispel any tears. _Not now._ I thought. _Not while he still needs me._

He stopped struggling, though his body was shaking slightly in my arms.

"Axel?" He whispered.

"Shh. I'm here. Try to go back to sleep. You need your strength." I said, managing to smile at him.

His blue eyes were so full of hurt, and there was nothing I could to help but hold him closer and whisper over and over how much I loved him until he fell asleep once more.

* * *

"Rox. Don't give up." I begged. I was kneeling next to him, clutching one of his hands tightly in mine. He looked so small laying on our bed by himself. So fragile. So broken.

"Axel. I love you." He said, looking at me with love and pain in his eyes.

"Roxas, I love you too. I love you so much. Please, don't give up. Don't you dare leave me!" I said, refusing to cry but holding onto him tighter. I heard some movements downstairs, but ignored them. Even since the last treatment option failed, Roxas had demanded he be allowed to live the rest of his days at home. It hurt to watch his body slowly dying, until he couldn't even take care of himself. Some of our friends were downstairs even now, wanting to be there for him, and for me.

* * *

**You used to captivate me by your resonating light.**  
** Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.**  
** Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.**  
** Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.**

Roxas, laughing. Roxas, smacking my arm but grinning goofily at something I had said. Roxas, sauntering over to me with pure lust in his eyes. Roxas, crying tears of joy when I proposed. Roxas, walking towards me in his white tux, glowing in happiness. Roxas, determined to fight when we found out the cause of his pain and fatigue. Roxas, trying but losing the battle. Roxas, giving up. Roxas, deteriorating right before my eyes.

* * *

"Axel. I love you." Roxas said that day, holding my hand.

"Roxas, please. I love you. I love you." I said, shaking with suppressed emotion.

"I'll always be here, Axel. I'll always love you." He said, his eyes slipping closed.

"Roxas! Roxas, no! Please!" I cried, standing and hovering over him.

I saw the effort it took him to force his eyes open once more.

"Axel. Kiss me. One more time." He whispered, tears slowing forming in his eyes.

"Roxas." I whispered, my heart wrenching painfully in my chest. I laid down next to him and pulled his body to me. Gently, I tipped his head up to mine and softly placed my lips over his.

"Thank you… Axel…" He whispered, his eyes slipping closed once more.

"Roxas, I love you." I whispered back, hugging his body tightly to my chest. I felt his breathing slow, then stop. I rocked back and forth, holding his body to me, my brain screaming in denial.

All the tears, all the pain and agony I had bottled up over these months spilled out from my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

"No." I whispered. "No! NO!"

Demyx ran into the room, but jerked to a stop at the doorway.

"Oh god, Axel…" He said.

"He's gone. Roxas, my Roxas. Gone!" I cried.

* * *

**These wounds won't seem to heal,**  
** This pain is just too real.**  
** There's just too much that time cannot erase.**  
** When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**  
** When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.**  
** And I held your hand through all of these years.**  
** But you still have all of me.**

I lifted my head from the pillow and blindly fumbled in the top drawer of the nightstand until my hand touched what I wanted. Shaking with sobs now, I pulled out the small picture frame and stared at the radiant couple grinning up at me, my gaze focusing on one thing.

"Roxas." I sobbed, slipping to my knees by the bed, the pillow in one hand and the picture in the other, staring at his face lit with joy on our wedding day.

"Roxas!" I cried louder, overcome with agony.

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,**  
** But though you're still with me I've been alone all along.**  
** When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**  
** When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.**  
** And I held your hand through all of these years.**  
** But you still have all of me.**

I heard the door open and slam shut to this house – the house we had bought together. I heard footsteps on the stairs, but ignored it all, caught up in Roxas, my Roxas.

"Yo! Where the hell are ya, asshole? Ya think you can just ignore-" Reno stopped his rant when he saw me sobbing on the floor.

"Aw, man. Ax." He said, quickly crossing to the me.

"Re-Reno." I sobbed, looking up and noticing the man standing above him, looking at me with pity.

"He's gone. I loved him so much. Why, Reno? Why did Roxas leave me?" I sobbed.

"Ah, hell. I don't know, man. I don't know." Reno said, shaking his head sadly. I buried my face into Roxas' pillow, bawling my eyes out. My chest hurt, every breath I took hurt – it felt like my heart was slowly being ripped out of my chest. This pain never went away, never dulled. It hurt so much.

I barely noticed Reno turning off the radio and only vaguely heard him talking to someone on his cell, telling them to get their asses over here.

Then arms suddenly wrapped around me and pulled me into a warm chest. I looked up and Reno wiped away the tear tracks on my cheeks.

"It'll be okay, Ax. It'll be okay." He said. My eyes overflowed and I took the comfort he was offering. Exhaustion swept through me, and as I finely started to calm, I saw Roxas smiling radiantly at me, his eyes shining with love, telling me to rest and that everything would be okay. Too tired to cry anymore, I gave in to sleep. Just before it took me, I whispered, "I love you Roxas."


End file.
